The Risk of Authenticity

Being our authentic selves sounds amazing—but getting there is the hard part. Our true selves are often buried beneath the weight of pain we’ve accumulated throughout our lives, and digging ourselves out isn’t always easy.

You’ve likely heard it said in spiritual circles (I’ve said it myself) that we are not the pain we carry around. The pain we feel may be real, but it is not authentic. While that’s true, it doesn’t mean pain isn’t useful. Pain can be a powerful catalyst for change—if we’re willing to do the work.

The journey to authenticity is what I call a blind path—we don’t know who we’ll be at the end of it. One of the most profound yet paralyzing questions we can ask ourselves is: Who will I be when this transformation is complete? It’s an unanswerable question that typically brings up a lot of fear. It’s an unanswerable question, and that uncertainty often brings up fear. It certainly did for me when I first asked it years ago.

The theory in spiritual circles is that coming into human form brings a kind of amnesia—we forget who we truly are. But this forgetting is a gift, offering us the profound journey of remembering. And the way we remember is through healing our pain.

Healing is where the struggle lies. Without a clear destination—without knowing exactly who we are meant to be—we zigzag through life, trying to make sense of it all. Sometimes we can make heads or tails of what’s happening, and sometimes the logic is truly mystifying, making the journey seem difficult or impossible.

I don’t believe the risk of authenticity lies in being authentic. I believe the risk comes through the journey—the need to heal in order to uncover the authentic self. Will the people around us still love us if we show up as our true selves? Who’s been sticking around for the dysfunction? How will life change? Will I still want the life I have now? These are valid questions that don’t have answers when we first start the journey.

Many of us, myself included, fear that we’ll end up alone. There’s a sense that nobody could possibly love our authentic self. Being authentic feels vulnerable. But if we really think about it, that’s actually backward. Showing pain is far more vulnerable than showing truth. The reason we don’t see it this way is because we’re so used to presenting our pain—it’s become normal. Choosing not to do that feels strange. It makes the authentic self seem weak, instead of recognizing the power that the authentic self truly holds.

What if your authentic self is more powerful than the painful version you present to the world every day? What if sayings like, “You don’t know how much strength you have until being strong is the only choice you have” are actually pointing to the powerful truth you hold within?

The world shows you your pain as an invitation to heal. When we can take otherwise meaningless experiences and use them as opportunities to heal ourselves, we begin to discover our authentic power. The way I see painful experiences is that they are opportunities to be grateful for the strength they reveal within us. We do not have to be victims of our experience. To find our authentic selves, I believe the journey involves leaving behind the feeling of victimization. Victimization is not authentic. It is actually a painful story we tell about our experience that isn’t true.

Authenticity requires us to leave behind the stories of blame, shame, guilt, and victimization. It demands that we take full responsibility for every thought, feeling, word, and action we have or take. The journey to self-responsibility and self-mastery is not easy. The stories offer escape routes—they are the easy ways out of truly confronting ourselves. Confronting ourselves is the only clear path to authenticity—everything else keeps us stuck in the pain of the untrue stories most people tell.

There is no risk in authenticity, but there is a risk in staying in the pain: the risk of never finding your authentic self and missing out on the joy of living a truly authentic life.

Love to all.

Della

P.S. If this discussion resonated with you, don't miss Wednesday’s episode of The Rebellion Insider Podcast, where we’ll dive even deeper into the journey of discovering your authentic self and the challenges that come with it. Stay tuned and subscribe to join the conversation!