The Illusion of Control
Rethinking Cause, Effect, and Accountability
Human beings manipulate experiences (the cause) to fit a predetermined effect (punishment, judgment, or opinion) all the time.
A simple example is a six-month-old baby throwing things on the floor and waiting for an adult to pick them up and hand them back. Once the baby gets the toy back, they throw it on the floor again. This is a fun game that every baby discovers as they learn cause and effect: If I throw my toy on the ground, the adult will pick it up.
How does the adult see it?
"This six-month-old baby is nasty and manipulative! It's throwing toys on the ground intentionally to make me pick them up!"
Seriously? You're willing to blame a six-month-old baby for your behavior? You're so locked into a story of blame that you'd rather hold a baby accountable for your inability to stop playing the game? You can't recognize that the baby is simply learning cause and effect, so you turn them into an "evil creature" to make yourself feel better? That's your plan?
The cause (the baby throwing the toy) is manipulated by the adult, who feels trapped by the effect (picking up the toy). They resent being controlled by the baby's actions, which makes them lash out—even though babies have no concept of manipulation. They only understand cause and effect. It’s a game. Babies are not evil. Sorry to burst your bubble.
Where else does this show up in society?
The justice system is a system of predetermined causes and effects. While it attempts to allow for variations in experience, it typically fails to account for all exceptions. The real goal of the system is not justice—it’s a competition to see who can manipulate the cause more effectively to achieve a desired effect. Whoever succeeds in getting their desired effect was the one who manipulated the cause most successfully. Justice? No. It’s about manipulation, control, and maintaining a system built on predetermined outcomes.
Experience itself has no inherent meaning (existentialism). When we examine cause and effect, what do humans need to construct?
An interpretation of the experience, which may or may not be agreed upon.
An interpretation of the effect or outcome, which may or may not be agreed upon.
A predetermined outcome based on generalized interpretations of similar experiences.
We cast a wide net, knowing that some people will be caught unfairly, but we justify it—because the end justifies the means. That’s how the justice system functions: the end (the predetermined outcome) always justifies the means (a manipulated version of the cause).
A fundamental flaw in the justice system is that we rely on people's accounts of what happened. We weren’t there, so we must accept someone else's interpretation of their experience. In court, at least two versions of the same event are presented. The argument revolves around which version is correct. The truth? Both are correct.
Why? Because experience has no inherent meaning. Meaning is assigned by the person who had or witnessed the experience. There is no objectively "wrong" interpretation—only personal perspectives.
So, if there’s no objectively wrong interpretation, what’s the purpose of the justice system? Punishment. The court’s role is to determine whether a predetermined punishment applies based on how each party explains and manipulates their experience.
Can we ever really know the truth of another person’s experience? No. That’s precisely why punishment doesn’t work. It ignores cause and effect, dismisses individual perception, and assumes malicious intent—just like an adult assuming a six-month-old baby throws toys to intentionally frustrate them.
The justice system operates on control and predetermined outcomes. Why? Because predictability is easy. If we had to consider all perspectives, examine every possibility, drop predetermined outcomes, and judge each case solely on its own merits—without our biases, judgments, and interpretations—punishment would rarely be handed out. Why? Because we'd realize that experiences are far too varied to draw concrete conclusions about what happened and why.
The Breakdown of the System
This brings me back to a larger point: we need to abandon punishment-based systems because they aren’t rooted in truth—and they don’t actually control anything.
If the justice system truly maintained control, it would have made itself obsolete by now. Fear of consequences would ensure people followed the law. But they don’t—and they never will.
Parenting has long proven that fear-based discipline doesn’t work. When children outgrow their fear, they often rebel. If fear is the only tool for maintaining control, then punishment must become increasingly severe—leading to cycles of dysfunction, including physical abuse in extreme cases. The more control we need, the harsher the punishment must be.
We see the same phenomenon in politics. Take states attempting to ban abortion without exceptions. This creates an absolute system where all abortion is wrong, regardless of the circumstances. By ignoring the nuances of experience, we justify extreme punishments: We’ll charge women with murder for having abortions—even if the pregnancy would have killed them.
This trend is appearing everywhere. We’re eliminating discussions about experience and replacing them with absolute punishments. Why? Because fear of punishment is losing effectiveness. To maintain the same level of control, the punishment must escalate.
The Political System and Control
The political system determines how much control the justice system has. How severe are the punishments?
The left wants to control speech: There is only one truth, and you’re not allowed to discuss alternatives.
The right wants to control gender identity and reproductive rights.
Interestingly, the left doesn’t want control over gender identity and reproduction, while the right doesn’t want control over speech. Each side wants absolute control in select areas while ignoring the nuances of experience.
The Illusion of Control
The desire for control blinds us to reality. It prevents us from interpreting or even acknowledging experience in a meaningful way. This plays out in the justice system, parenting, politics—everywhere.
Cause and effect—especially when the effect is unknown—scares us. Humans hate uncertainty, which is why we want everything to have a predetermined outcome.
The left is comfortable allowing women to decide their fates regarding pregnancy because abortion doesn’t bother them as a possible outcome.
The right is comfortable allowing unrestricted speech because misinformation doesn’t bother them as a possible outcome.
When we aren’t afraid of the outcome, we don’t seek control. But when an outcome scares us, we demand absolute control. We do this in our personal lives, too.
We stay in jobs we hate because of perceived cause and effect:
"If I quit my job, what will happen? Will I find another job? Will it be better or worse?"
To create a false sense of control, we cling to what makes us feel secure—jobs, money, relationships, objects. But absolute control is an illusion.
We cannot control the experience. Unexpected things will happen. When we try to impose absolute control, we create exceptions, new problems, and a lack of real solutions.
The Alternative: Accountability
The solution is simple but difficult: let go of control.
True control isn’t external—it’s internal. Control is about how we manage our own thoughts, feelings, and actions—not how we manipulate external circumstances.
Punishment is an external control mechanism. It does not teach accountability; it teaches fear of consequence. And, as we’ve seen, maintaining control through fear creates a destructive cycle of increasingly severe punishments.
Accountability, on the other hand, is internal. It comes from self-awareness, not external force.
The justice system cannot make me feel accountable for something I didn’t do, nor can it make me feel accountable for something I did do. Through reflection and time spent understanding ourselves within the experience, we can create our own sense of accountability. Accountability comes from within.
If we shift from control to accountability, from punishment to understanding, we might finally break free from the cycle we’ve been trapped in.
The question is: Are we willing and ready to let go?
Love to all,
Della
